Scary Food Thoughts

not my actual meal ---->

Okay, it disturbs me when my microwave meal has "Real Fruit Dessert!" emblazoned on the box, especially in a prominent position. It sends a flurry of intimidating thoughts through my head, like: Does that mean that all the microwave meals that don't say that are made with FAKE fruit? Because I used to have a play kitchen with pots and pans and fake fruit (the banana was my favorite...let's not psychoanalyze that, please), and I have to say, it really was NOT that tasty, and impossible to peel. And if the other meals DO contain fake fruit, how on earth did they get those things peeled and chopped, when I couldn't even chew through mine?! And does fake fruit have ANY nutritional value at all, or is it just a freebie, calorie-wise? And what IS the correct number of times to chew your food in that case?


And while I am here, I think we should start a worldwide campaign to increase the dessert portions, even of fake fruit desserts, because that IS the best-tasting part of every microwave meal. AND they should add desserts to their breakfasts, too. (People, I'm from Iowa...you ALWAYS HAVE DESSERT WITH YOUR MEALS! It's a genetic imperative!)


But now that I look at my meal, I am wondering about there being no "Real Meat Entree!" on the box. I could be eatin' someone's Chihuahua and not know...it would still be a healthy choice, as they are small and not too full of fat...


And these green beans are lookin' a tad unreal, as well...

But I need the fake vs. real question cleared up first...


Screw it. It's back to peanut butter and jelly for me, starting tomorrow...