Bigotry in the U.S.

Okay, take a gander at the email I received today:





"USPS New 44-Cent Stamp!!! Celebrates Muslim holiday.

If there is only ONE thing you forward today... let it be this!

REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of Pan Am Flight 103!
REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of the World Trade Center in 1993!
REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of the Marine Barracks in Lebanon !
REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of the military Barracks in Saudi Arabia !
REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of the American Embassies in Africa !
REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of the USS COLE!
REMEMBER the MUSLIM attack on 9/11/2001 !
REMEMBER all the AMERICAN lives that were lost in those vicious MUSLIM attacks!
Now President Obama has directed the United States Postal Service to REMEMBER and HONOR the EID MUSLIM holiday season with a new commemorative 42 Cent First Class Holiday Postage Stamp..
REMEMBER to adamantly & vocally BOYCOTT this stamp, when you are purchasing your stamps at the post office.
All you have to say is "No thank you, I do not want that Muslim Stamp on my letters!"

To use this stamp would be a slap in the face to all those AMERICANS who died at the hands of those whom this stamp honors.
REMEMBER ~pass this along to every Patriotic AMERICAN that you know and lets get the word out !!!
Here is something to chew on...
They (MUSLIMS) don't even believe in Christ, & they're getting their own Christmas stamp! BUT, don't dare to dream of posting the ten commandments on federal property! This is truly UNBELIEVABLE !!! "

Now prepare for my wrath.

First off, you seemingly incredibly-bigoted, narrow-minded, self-important muckraking, fly-off-the-handle, panic-spreading reactionists: the postal service has been printing this stamp FOR YEARS! Note the picture above…when postage was 33 cents. So your muckraking Obama-bashing on this is completely off the mark. Your Republican-hero past presidents ALSO "directed" this stamp released, every year. THIS HOLIDAY IS ALREADY BEING COMMEMORATED, and has been for YEARS! Our President is not “directing” anything!

In simple fact, this stamp is gorgeous, and I have purposefully purchased them for my Christmas cards for the last two years, to contribute to the holiday ideal of a peaceful and loving holiday season.

You have taken patriotism to the lowest possible level, to the point where it is no longer patriotism but full-out, undeniable BIGOTRY! I, for one, am in NO WAY this kind of “American”…I even go so far as to say that your reactionary bigotry is UN-American. Yes, that is what I said. UN-American. And, judging from your final lines, I think I can safely say you are also incredibly and undeniably UN-Christian, as well.

Most sane people are able to remember the TERRORIST bombings and attacks. They were awful and horrendous and insane…but generalizing that all Muslims are, or agree with, the terrorist factions is pure hatred and insane bigotry loosely and poorly disguised as patriotism…and THAT is a large part of what is wrong with America today, folks.

Americans are no more holy or learned or “right” than any other country, and Christians are no more holy or learned or “right” than any other religion’s adherents. What incredible hubris it is, to begin with, for any human to think they know what God wants or would do or thinks, and to presume to take His wrath into their own hands through word or deed!

People having different religious views from yours is not a crime. People not believing in your god does not mean that they are lesser, or wrong, or evil. All religions, all holidays, all celebrations of faith are equally valid, and should be equally respected as the celebrations of faith and hope and love that they are. God is sure as hell not nearly as judgmental as you people are…at least you had better HOPE not, since your path is one of darkness and hatred, and completely oversteps the boundaries that any god has set up for his followers to begin with!

By the way, the Eid stamp is NOT a CHRISTMAS stamp. It is a HOLIDAY stamp, which is why it comes out with the Christmas, winter, and Kwanzaa stamps. And I will probably buy them again this year…partly because of your outrageous email, to be honest.

By the way, I do not want the ten commandments posted, either…and I am not Muslim!Christianity is NOT the only religion in the world…nor should it be.

So chew on THAT!

August 28th Doings

Being in the car accident at the end of June not only reminded me what a gift it is to NOT have to be sedentary, but also gave me a lot of time to read. With my newfound limits, a lot of books didn't get finished--my limit being, "You are 40. If a book does not make you want to finish it by page 40, let it go and move on." Quite a few books got let go, which was good for my towering bookshelf, even if it did not make much visible difference!


Thanks to a huge fine on my library card from letting my daughter check out books on it, I skipped the library most of the summer. Last week I finally paid the $20 fine. Today, August 28th, I left the house, which is irritating me near to the point of violent acting-out---I could FEEL myself about to start throwing shit--and went to the library. There were books on hold for me, to go with the books I checked out last week, and I decided if I could get to a quiet, preferably windowside table, I would treat myself to reading. Just reading. In the cool library, as it was hot out already at 11a.m., surrounded by books. Surrounded by books is one of my favorite places to be, in the entire universe, ever.


So, I put on jeans that don't really match my orangey tank, my pretty orange flowered shoes, and slapped my favorite sun hat onto my head to hide my greasy hair. These things combined--not matching, not caring to wash my hair--should tell those of you who know me exactly how irritated I had become...I never do not match in public. Ever. And rarely in provate. (To my credit, the hat goes with the tank well, and the tank goes well with the shoes, although the hat and the flowered shoes together?...not so much. And these jeans with the bling on the pockets--not really with anything. But they are clean. But, I digress...


I ran to the post office to mail off my Netflix. I got cash. I got to the library at 10:40, parked in the only-locals-know-this-is-free parking lot next to the library, under one of the library trees---I love trees---and started reading, waiting for the library to open at 11. Grayson by Lynne Cox.


There was less of a homeless population than usual waiting to snatch up the tables for a nap inside today. I got the books I had on hold, and found one of the best seats in the library---it faces city hall and overlooks a nice little corner of benched landscaping, and is shielded by a large maple tree that sits out from it on the parking. I love this tree because not only is it taller than the building, but it has thrived even though they have paved and added more cement around it until it's 7' x 18" patch is the only dirt around (until they landscaped under the windows of course), but the tree itself is still surrounded on all sides by lifeless concrete. City Hall has a yard, and lots of trees, so it's a good view. Very green. The only seat better than this is the corner one, but it's closer to an intersection, too---more traffic noise.


So, I got "my table", and kept reading Grayson. By 12:26, I had finished it, feeling a little misty and a lot jealous of the author. Grayson is about a baby gray whale and a swimmer, a true story that took place when the author was 17, over just a few hours of her life, and it ends happily. No one dies, no one is hurt, there are no guns or murder or lawyers or pain and suffering to a large degree. Sitting in the library, it did not make me cry with happiness; at home, alone, however, it may have. It made me want to go to the beach. It made me want to start life over and work for the Marine Mammal Center. It made me wish I could swim well enough to ocean swim. And it reminded me of a few very important things about living a full life, and being connected to the Universe.


It's a short book (only 147 pages), a quick read, and you should all read it. All of you, yes. Read it to your kids, too. Give it to everyone you know for their birthdays. I am not kidding. I myself am going to go out and buy my own copy, and put it in the place of honor on my bookshelf, next to Harold and the Purple Crayon, The Eight, and Mists of Avalon. And I fully plan to reread it at least once a year. And go whale-watching at least every two years for the rest of my life. Maybe even be nicer to my daughter's hellbound cat. Maybe.


I came home after an older hippie man, smelling of smoke and dirt, sat down to share the table with me at the library. Steve. Very polite. Introduced himself. Asked if he could give me his number. I nicely said no. Bet the VW van parked down from me was his, too.


Traded my jeans for my comfy sushi-print pants (which still don't match my tank), made some fries, read all night...sometimes, despite all the negative, life is good.

Long Time, No See

Well, hello there. I am back, talking to myself, most probably, but here I am...my own little corner of cyberspace, which I have been neglecting for a long time now.

Let's just chalk it all up to life getting a little...difficult...for awhile, and move on.

Yes, the jellyfish is still squishing...

I do not want to dwell on the difficulties, so let me just summarize (I am sure I will want to talk about it in more depth someday, but this is not that day):

*April 15: turned 40. Not happily. I am not fond of 40 yet.

*June 28th: Car accident. Rear ended by woman who never touched brakes until after she hit me. Car totalled. Me hurt. Daughter spared, aside from a 24 hour headache.

*June-July: Both car parties have same insurance company; I still get screwed (by my OWN insurance company, yes.

*Late July: Get financed on a used 2007 Kia Spectra. Silver. Boring. But necessary. Also got lawyer.

*August 1-present: Severe life dissatisfaction. In search of...what? Still trying to figure that out.

There ya go. Nutshelled.

I've been watching a lot of Netflix this summer. (That happens when you can't sit upright for very long.) I've watched so much...shit. Truly, there were two weeks where everything I watched was crappy. Except The Closer. That's a fun show.

But NOW...now I find, surprisingly, that I REALLY enjoy Sons of Anarchy. Why does this surprise me? Well, first, I do not look like a biker babe, or anyone who would ever be someone's Old Lady, as far as I can tell. Secondly, I will never be a big fan of illegal activities, killing, gun running, or drugs, which are the basic activities in the show, to be honest. But I like the show anyway. Well, yes, Ron Perlman IS a god, Hellboy makeup or not, so there is that. He is actually the reason I watched the first disc. But now I find that I genuinely LIKE the show, despite everything about the plot that I would seem diametrically opposed to. I've run through the first two discs of season one already, and must say, I am truly getting a good and cathartic release from the violence...what's not to like about tossing a stalker through a plate glass window, I ask you? Besides...they blow shit up a lot. As long as it isn't reality, I love watching things blow up.

So, there ya go. My first venture back into my blog.

It ain't exciting, but it's a start.

Friends With Benefits

First, allow me to be up-front: I have had a few male FWBs.

Now, maybe it is just because I never paid attention, or maybe it is just because I really just wanted what I thought was the affection of these arrangements, but either way, I have come to some realizations recently about the state of FWB.

I do not think they are sustainable, especially if you have a strong moral and ethical fiber and actually WANT someone to grow old with at some point.

Hear me out. I have some experience here.

First, what I have come to see as the BASIC problem...men and women do NOT, AT ALL, define things the same way. The definitions are different for all of the the following terms: Friends, With, and Benefits.

Let us break it down:

Friends- Men and women do not treat their friends the same way, even without Benefits. To men, a FWB friend means he does not have to call, answer calls, remember birthdays, pretend to know a woman in public, take her anywhere at all, or tell anyone about her existence. To women, that is not ANY kind of friendship at all.

Dichotomy of Me

I am a puzzle...wrapped up in an enigma blahblahblah...

• I am right-handed...and I play pool left-handed.
• I am very learned in grammar...and I make up words.
• I am very grounded...but I daydream constantly.
  I love all animals...but I truly hate my daughter's cat.
• I love tattoos...but I have none.
• I have solid self-esteem...but I dislike most pictures of myself.
• I have an artistic, non-linear, free-for-all personality...but when my mind is frazzled and confused, I do Find-A-Word puzzles in a strict, methodical, regimented way.
• I adore makeup...but I do not wear it very often.
• I love seeing movies in the theater...but I only go if someone else takes me.
• I have a positive outlook...but sometimes I am absolutely certain that the world is both already in hell and positively irredeemable.
• I love the beach, even in winter...but I rarely go.
• I am proud of my life, but also prone to POFFs: Profound Overwhelming Feelings of Failure.
• 
  
  
  

Joints...(no, not that kind...)

Hello again.

It's been raining here in the Bay area for almost 24 hours now...again...

I like rain, now that I used my Super Secret Skillz to change the flow of the drainspout on my "house". Although my pug, Emme, does NOT like rain. I barely get her outside to pee, and only if I go ALL the way out with her!, and she saves up her poop for later. (Thankfully, this morning my daughter came upon her doodie gift first, so she had to clean it up.)

But this is not really the point. Get to the Mowie Wowie, maaan, I hear you saying...

Wrong joints, dude.

I have been noticing, increasingly this month, that...my body is acting OLD. There is no other word to use. OLD.

This is SO WRONG.

I am not even 40 yet! (Not til April anyhow.)

But literally every joint in my body aches. Almost all the time. I remember when I was little and achy joints and being affected by cold were things I associated with my great-grandma...and now...here I am. But she was in her 90s at the time!...I am 39. I live in a relatively mild climate. And my body feels like it is disintegrating.

One friend keeps throwing the word "arthritis" around, because she has had it for quite awhile now.

All I know is that my visits to the doctor every June come out okay...but my body hurts like I am old and decrepit.

So, I try to better my health. I take my vitamins. I just started some glucosomine/chondroitin supplements. I drink more water, and I TRY to make myself exercise---when my joints don't hurt so much it is a struggle to stand up from the couch after 10 minutes!

My left knee is also marfed up...I can feel a tendon? muscle? something flip like a

rubber band in it when I bend it. VERY disturbing.

I DO NOT WANT TO BE OLD!

I want to magically change time in the world, as follows: I think you should only have to be as old as you LOOK.

I would only have to be about 27-30, I am told. That was waaay before I started hurting like THIS!

My 60+ mom could be 50 again!

My 70 year old dad...well...still 70. Sorry, Dad...it was the booze and cigs, I'm thinking.

My daughter...crap. Most days she would be 18. I can't have that!

Anyway...

I was not upset with 30. (But I did freak out at 31.)

I am not so upset about the number 40 itself.

I do not feel that I am old yet, as I turn 40.

In fact, when I see Facebook ads about "such n such is pushing 40 but looks 28!", I get offended. Where is she pushing it TO, exactly? And why does 40 seem like a death threat in advertising? I am a more complete and intelligent and loving and together human now than I have ever been, all things considered.

But my body feels like I am already old.

But I don't think that is about a NUMBER...I think that is about something altogether different.

And as hard as I try, I still don't feel old.

But some nights when it gets chilly, I still almost wish I had a walker.

I haven't blogged in awhile. Not because I have nothing to say, but because I find there are periods of life where nothing but negativity comes out when I attempt to express myself or look on that elusive "bright side" people like to harp upon. So, I've just kept my mouth shut, aside from a few very frustrated remarks on Facebook.
When it comes right down to it, here's the deal:
I chose to have a child "out of wedlock", even after the father left me, and chose to rear said child alone anyway. (I did the right thing. I will never regret her. EVER.)
BUT this meant a great deal of letting go of dreams and hopes for the future I HAD planned. What I had planned became irrelevant as soon as I decided against an abortion.
The future I planned was NOT the following: to raise a child on welfare, and then without welfare when I had a job that was "too well-paying" for assistance, but not well-paying enough to make ends meet. I did not plan to be 39 and still borrow money from my parents, knowing that THEY aren't made of money themselves, especially with one of them retired. I did not plan to have no savings, ever. (Okay, I exaggerated: I HAVE a savings account...it has $.011 in it, and I have held onto that balance for 9 months at least. Rah, sis boom bah.) I did not plan to have bills I cannot pay, no matter how much I plan to be and want to be financially responsible. I did not plan to have to choose between gas to go to work and bouncing the rent check, or bouncing the rent to be able feed my child at the end of the month, and paying the bank fees out of the NEXT check if I can get them to pay on the check anyway. (Which they no longer will, regardless. But they USED to do it for me. Why not? It benefitted them to the tune of at least a hundred dollars a month! Desperate poeple are GREAT for business!)
I was SO THRILLED in January because I ended up with $17 left in my checking account for gas, to hold me over until my check got deposited on the 2nd. $17 versus being overdrawn---I practically wanted to have a party to celebrate my success! I was SO proud.
Oh but wait...car registration of $212.00, due January 12, paid a month late out of necessity. So, really...$17 counts for nothing.
And before anyone starts harping on my money-management skills: to manage, one must HAVE money. If you looked at my balance sheet, you would wonder how the hell we eat after the most necessary bills DO get paid...and that's just bills for the car and a roof over our heads. And, yes, I DO live the cheapest accomodations possible for two people.
Sorry, but I have heard it all, folks. All the "It MUST be your fault!" BS, all the "It must be YOU that is the problem in the equation!" BS, the "YOU must be doing something wrong!" BS...
Ahem...back to what I was saying...
All the things people list to me as things we can do without, we already don't have: we don't have cable; we don't even have TV reception anyhow because we would need cable to get a signal where we live. We don't have cell phones that we pay for; my daughter is 15 and the only one of her friends without one, and I only have one because my boss pays for it, and rumor has it that THAT arrangement is going to end as well, so we won't have one at all, as I cannot afford to put any money toward one. We don't eat out. We don't buy expensive or unnecessary groceries, or presents for friends' birthdays or Christmas gifts. We don't get our nails done, our hair cut, or go to the eye doctor or dentist regularly. We only go to the doctor if we are so sick it is impossible to carry on with our daily lives over for a week. Our internet connection is through our basic phone service, which does not include long distance. Long distance calls to my mom get made on that cell phone that will be disappearing soon. No one else gets called. Ever. Even my mom knows to leave a message that ends in, "Don't call me back! I will call YOU back!" I do not have a retirement account or investments. I do not have a college account for my daughter for college...although I guess I could give her the $0.11 savings. If she isn't bright and lucky enough to get assistance to go, I cannot send her. And yes, that DOES make me feel like a failure.
And guess what, folks? I work a full time 9-5 job, and get paid what amounts to a good administrative salary in this area of the country.
And the ends still do not meet. Ever.
And, yes, I AM grateful to HAVE a job in this economy. I KNOW people are getting laid off left and right. I KNOW how hard things are. But I have to tell ya: I saw a blurb about how this "new, lower-standard" of living we are in may last for awhile...and I LAUGHED. I literally laughed until I cried, because THIS IS NOT NEW FOR ME! I HAVE BEEN LIVING LIKE THIS FOR MOST OF 15 YEARS! People are having to sell their boats and their second cars and take pay cuts and not go to movies or eat out as much? PUH-LEEZE! Jesus Christ...I cannot even imagine such a GOOD reality for my life.
Done ranting. Don't bother to leave bitchy comments...shitting on people at the very bottom of the societal ladder is just cruel.