Star Trek DOES apply IRL!

Y'know in ST2:Wrath of Khan, and in the new one as well, when they take the creature and drop it into people's bodily orifices to wrap around their innards and make them crazy and give up information and do as they are bid and then kill them?

C'mon, you do too. (Well, Google it, fer gods' sakes!)

Well, I think I have one of those wrapping around my cerebral cortex.

I think it's settled in, having been rummaging around in there for the last 24 hours or so.

At first I feared it was the beginning of a migraine, which will make me chop my own head right the hell off, but now I do not think that is it.

Could my spine be out of whack? Yes, but I still owe the chiropractor almost $900 from last year, so THAT ain't happening...thus, that cannot be the answer.

Could it be that I was sick for two days and the germs haven't completed their retreat? Could be, but there isn't anything I can do to hurry their asses up on their retreat...so that cannot be the answer.

Could it be that I carry all my stress in my upper body and my skull? Nah, couldn't be something so silly as that!

However, I think I am going to go with the Ceti Eel creature. (Yeah, I googled it's name for you, slacker. By the way, did you know the Captain Terrell action figure came with a Ceti Eel accessory? It's true. See what you miss by not Googling this shit for yourself?)

So, the Ceti Eel just seems the most reasonable explanation for this pain.

And here's a buffed Ricardo M. as Khan, just for your viewing (and perhaps giggling) pleasure:

Hope the little fucker is enjoying his meal...

GAAH!

So, here's the thing with moving back across country after a decade...
I am SO stressed out.
It is really hard to juggle finding a place to live when you are half a continent away (even with your friends looking for you, it's still a lot of pressure), finding a way to make income THERE when you haven't left HERE, actually douching out the house and selling off as much shit as possible in a short period of time, trying to get the kids to HELP, worrying about the money to move anyway!...it's never ending and it keeps sneaking up on me.
Today I am feeling especially burdened, overwhelmed, and daunted.
I have to plot a course for the move that will leave us near a motel that accepts pets each day. I have to actually have a for-sure date so I can rent the damn U-Haul. I have to make arrangements to get my mom out here. I have to tell the landlord I am leaving!
Gaaah!
I can't do all this shit between the weekday hours of 6pm-6am, after a full day of work! IT DOESN'T WORK! I have tried!
I'm drowning.

Exercise Kills, People!

So, you know how in movies, there is always some idiot at the gym who flies off the back of their treadmill into the mirrored wall, and hilarity ensues?
Yesterday, I was that idiot. And it wasn't at all funny. (I know it wasn't, cuz I am still not laughing about it today. After almost 24 hours, it should already be funny if it's going to be.)
I went to my second session with my trainer at 24 Hour Fitness, and we had been doing stuff and interspersing treadmill in between. It was hard, but my cute little dyke trainer is very encouraging and we laugh a lot. So on our third trip to the treadmill, it was hard going. I am completely out of shape, and my lungs are always incapacitated anyway, so I was trying to comcentrate on breathing, and I closed my eyes for a second and completely lost my step rhythm...suddenly, BAM! I am off the back with my right leg, whacking my knees on the edge of the treadmill. Of course, your first instinct when you do this is to lean your weight on whichever leg is the steadiest. But my steady leg was STILL ON THE TREADMILL, which was still moving.
Aerodynamically, you cannot right yourself on a moving treadmill.
But I tried.
So I got to fall TWICE, and whack my knees TWICE.
To make it worse, the treadmills were all full, and the buffest guy in the gym was next to me. At least he didn't laugh at me. But then, he also did not see if I was okay. HUMPH!
My trainer just said, "WHOA! Just stay off! If it's going to happen, you can't stop it!" She swears this happens a lot, and that I wasn't the worst fall she has seen.
My first thoughts at the time were, "FAT GIRL FALLIN'!" (but in a funny way), and "Wow. She looks like a shitty trainer now, doesn't she?"
So, I recovered and finished my last 30 seconds and went on to weight training. Cuz I am tenacious and play-it-off like that unless I am GRAVELY injured.
So we went on to weight training. And THEN...(I know! How could I survive MORE?!) I ended up light headed and had to sit down on the floor.
Why? Because I seem to be unable to both BREATHE and COUNT at the same time.
So I was counting bicep pulls...and not breathing enough.
SO I kept going after I sat on the floor for two minutes. Cuz I am an idiot who refuses to be tamed.
It was okay by the end, but even my trainer had to say, "Good thing you weren't chewing gum, too."
By the time I got home, both my knees were HUGE. And I even had a huge lump like a mini extra knee cap, or a radio tuning dial, on top of my right kneecap. And scraped up, bloody knees like a small child with no motor control, running on cement.
I spent all last night icing them, and was in bed at 8, icing them again, loaded on ibuprofen, and exhausted and in pain. And since I was exhausted and in pain, I couldn't sleep, of course. I am too old for this get-in-shape shit.
Today I am hobbling like a hundred-year-old cripply woman, and my entire body hurts. Exercise kills, man. Don't do it.

(But yes, I am going again next week.)