Hello again.
It's been raining here in the Bay area for almost 24 hours now...again...
I like rain, now that I used my Super Secret Skillz to change the flow of the drainspout on my "house". Although my pug, Emme, does NOT like rain. I barely get her outside to pee, and only if I go ALL the way out with her!, and she saves up her poop for later. (Thankfully, this morning my daughter came upon her doodie gift first, so she had to clean it up.)
But this is not really the point. Get to the Mowie Wowie, maaan, I hear you saying...
Wrong joints, dude. 
I have been noticing, increasingly this month, that...my body is acting OLD. There is no other word to use. OLD.
This is SO WRONG.
I am not even 40 yet! (Not til April anyhow.)
But literally every joint in my body aches. Almost all the time. I remember when I was little and achy joints and being affected by cold were things I associated with my great-grandma...and now...here I am. But she was in her 90s at the time!...I am 39. I live in a relatively mild climate. And my body feels like it is disintegrating.
One friend keeps throwing the word "arthritis" around, because she has had it for quite awhile now.
All I know is that my visits to the doctor every June come out okay...but my body hurts like I am old and decrepit.
So, I try to better my health. I take my vitamins. I just started some glucosomine/chondroitin supplements. I drink more water, and I TRY to make myself exercise---when my joints don't hurt so much it is a struggle to stand up from the couch after 10 minutes!
My left knee is also marfed up...I can feel a tendon? muscle? something flip like a
rubber band in it when I bend it. VERY disturbing.
I DO NOT WANT TO BE OLD!
I want to magically change time in the world, as follows: I think you should only have to be as old as you LOOK.
I would only have to be about 27-30, I am told. That was waaay before I started hurting like THIS!
My 60+ mom could be 50 again!
My 70 year old dad...well...still 70. Sorry, Dad...it was the booze and cigs, I'm thinking.
My daughter...crap. Most days she would be 18. I can't have that!
Anyway...
I was not upset with 30. (But I did freak out at 31.)
I am not so upset about the number 40 itself.
I do not feel that I am old yet, as I turn 40.
In fact, when I see Facebook ads about "such n such is pushing 40 but looks 28!", I get offended. Where is she pushing it TO, exactly? And why does 40 seem like a death threat in advertising? I am a more complete and intelligent and loving and together human now than I have ever been, all things considered.
But my body feels like I am already old.
But I don't think that is about a NUMBER...I think that is about something altogether different.
And as hard as I try, I still don't feel old.
But some nights when it gets chilly, I still almost wish I had a walker.
Posts
A woman with Super Secret Skillz... I like it. I've got a little talent myself. We can test each other's abilities and keep score, winner gets 10 extra minutes of massage time.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear about your joint pain. Hopefully you'll get relief from the 'supplements' you've started taking. I tried (for 2 months) and they didn't help me at all. I was even younger than you, when I first started noticing the 'constant' pain and stiffness. I beat myself up pretty good, as I was growing up, which didn't help. Sports mostly. Basketball and football wrecked me.
The good news... after a few years of the pain, you should notice a change. It get worse. Sorry.
Seriously tho, if your symptoms are anything like mine (and they sound VERY similar), you'll get used to the pain. It will become nothing more than a minor nuisance. I like to say, "pain builds character, and boy oh boy, am I a character".
Remind me to show you the way my knee 'pops' like a rubber band. The 'big' tendon on the inside of my right knee... when I bend it from straight... you can see it easily.
Let's see... I have no anterior cruciate (sp?) ligaments in either knee. The first one snapped when I was 18, and never diagnosed until years later, when it had pretty much stabilized itself. The other one broke when I was about 30. Both times playing basketball. The second time it was repaired, but the 'fix' didn't hold. I can still get around pretty good tho, as long as I only move in the direction that my toes are pointed. No sudden twisting movements. No more basketball =(.
I remember when I turned 40. It was great. 30 was the hard one for me. When I got to 40, it was like I had a totally different attitude. I say it like this... "when I was 20, I never thought I'd live to be 30. When I turned 30, I never thought I'd live to be 40. When I turned 40 I decided I was gonna be the first person to walk this planet that lived forever". And then I explain that the way I'm going to live forever is by having enough people remember me, and telling their kids about me, so that my "memory" will live forever. I know for a fact, that my (deceased) parents memory will be alive for many many generations to come. I'm so lucky... I had the best parents in the whole world.
Jeesh, can this guy talk, or WHAT?!
You sound like you've got the 'number' thing pretty well dealed with. I'm also pleased that you feel more like a 'complete' human being than ever before. I am so much looking forward to getting to know you better "Chel".
Your new follower and admirer,
Ned/ Thor